Wednesday, May 21, 2008

"Why the "Natural Way" is wrong"

"How to have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People" by Les Giblin
Page 105, under the title of "Why the "Natural Way" is wrong"

"The natural thing to do when we run up against a contrary idea or opinion is to argue. It may be only a question of which baseball team is best- or it may be a question debated by statesmen in the United Nations. Unfortunately, the natural thing is still to attempt to argue down our opponent.

Someone has said that golf is difficult because the golf swing is unnatural. It goes against every natural impulse of how to swing a club. We must learn a scientific, but unnatural swing.

The same thing might be said for the art of persuasion. It is natural to regard someone who opposes our ideas as an opponent to be overcome in one way or another. Yet, what we really want to do is convince the other fellow, induce him to change his mind rather than to conquer him or beat him down.

When someone opposes our ideas, it is natural for us to take it as a threat and a slap to our own ego. And so it is natural to hit back at his own ego, to become emotional and hostile, to shout, threaten, shame, ridicule, and try to ram our ideas down his throat by intimidation or force. We exaggerate every one of our own so-called reasons or clams, and make light of every one of our opponent's points.

But this natural way does not win. Because the only way you can ever really win an argument is to get the other fellow to change his mind."

I post this in an attempt to get people to realise that the only way you will ever win the argument you may be having with an opponent, is to find a way to get them to change their mind about where they stand. Bashing and defaming will not work.

I hope that we can all take this to heart.

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